Help! My Husband’s Not on Board with NFP
NFP is such a beautiful gift—and like all wonderful things in life, it is not without its challenges. NFP can be difficult even when the two of you are aligned and working together. So what do you do if you ‘ve decided you want to try NFP, but your husband isn’t convinced?
If that’s the boat you’re in, you may be feeling lonely, frustrated, and even ready to throw in the towel. Here are a few things you can try so the two of you can move forward together.
Hear him out. Give your husband a safe space to talk to you about his concerns and frustrations. He has reasons for being apprehensive about NFP (and chances are, you do, too, so you can talk through your concerns together). The best way to bridge the chasm is to understand where the other is coming from. Of course, this can be a difficult and emotional topic, so make sure you understand where he is coming from before responding so the conversation doesn’t escalate.
Talk to a couple who’s walked the walk. Try to get connected with a couple who has been doing NFP for while. Ask them to be frank with you about the ups and downs of it, because knowing the challenges as well as the benefits is so important. And nobody understands that more than a couple who has been figuring it out themselves.
Mention the health benefits. Today there is a heightened emphasis on healthy living: the advantages of natural foods; the importance of staying active; the therapeutic effects of essential oils and natural remedies. It can be helpful to do some research on the health benefits of NFP vs. hormonal birth control or other means of contraception and talk together about what you find. It’s also important to be aware that hormonal birth control is a known carcinogen. Read more on the health benefits of NFP here.
Meet an instructor. Ask your husband if he would be willing to attend just one introductory NFP class with you and meet some instructors for the purpose of gathering more information. (Make sure you vett the instructors first or are referred by someone you trust.) This is a great way for the two of you to make an informed decision together. NFP can feel threatening to a man for several reasons, including the fact that it can make him feel isolated from you. Let him know you’re in this as a team.
Read up on it. There are some great books and blogs out there from couples who have been in your shoes and struggled and triumphed through NFP together. Here are a few to get you started!
A Sinner’s Guide to NFP– This is a hilarious NFP in the trenches book for those of you who crave an honest, light hearted read.
Mama Needs Coffee– A fabulous blog that talks about NFP the good, the bad, and the ugly from a Catholic perspective.
Why I hate NFP (But Need it Anyway)– Written from a guys perspective it may or may not be encouraging but I love his honesty. And he brings up some very important points.
NFP IS AT THE HEART OF THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT FOR EQUALITY– Living in a world that claims to care so much for women’s rights I believe this blogger hits it spot on!
Pray for your spouse… and for yourself. Ask God to guide your spouse to embrace NFP. But always remember to ask God to guide you, too. It can sometimes feel like you have to “fix” your spouse—but that’s really not too helpful. So ask God to open your heart to your husband so you can accept, understand, and love him deeply.
And finally… Don’t lose heart! Great relationships are built on tough conversations because tough conversations can bring you both together in amazing ways. NFP can be very tough to adopt at first, especially when one of you is unsure or completely opposed to it, but it’s worth a try to experience its tremendous rewards!